Memories

The day I was born…….I don’t remember what happened. But then the day I started walking…….hmmmm I don’t remember that too :). I do remember one of my innocent conversations with Dad while a kid. I wanted Dad to play with me. Dad said he is too old to play that game with me. I asked him for proof for being old enough. He replied saying he had a mustache and I did not. I very smartly replied “Shave it, than you will also become a kid”.

I remember my first scolding. Not the one I got but the one I gave. It was so embarrassing. Not for me though. I was in 3^rd Std and did not know much. One fine day while playing cricket in the galli I saw the Didi from the neighboring house throw something out. I called her and started scolding her for wasting the resources of the earth, for she had just wasted a lot of COTTON. What did I know it was not “just” cotton.

I remember the first day of me trying to learn a bicycle. The Bhayia from the colony, a practicing bhramin in those days, all dressed up on a Sunday morning, came to teach me. Those days our colony did not have a drain system and everything used to flow in the nalas. I wish I knew that Bhayia will not be able to bear my weight. And there we were in the nala in our very first round. Never did he come again to teach me nor did he ever give me his cycle.

My first day at college was fun too. My friend Teja (Name changed to conceal the identity :P) was nervous and worried of being ragged. And I was excited for the same reason. I tried my best the entire day to get noticed. And every time I did something to catch attention I got blasting from Teja. After a days hard work I was rewarded. Our seniors caught us. As a part of the ragging they asked us to get a cigarette. I acted nervous and scared but thought to my self – “Get a cigarette, is this what they call ragging? For Gods sake, don’t they have better ideas? May be this is just the start.” We got the cigarette. They asked both of us to light it and smoke. We begged not to make us smoke. They were enjoying this and started bossing and forcing us to smoke it. They would not have enjoyed it only if they knew we have been smoking for the past two years. (Hope Dad does not read this).

There are many such memories which make my life special. And I am sure pages will not be enough, I would need another life to make a note of them. I wish I could actually record them and store them. Not just on a paper or mind but on something that I can look at again when I fell like it. As these small memories are the once which bring smiles on my face every time I remember them. And I am glad I remember them.

The fear of loosing

Rocky - I am going to miss you. For ever.

Today when you fell, my heart stopped. It was then I realized how important you are in my life. You are now 16+, way old for your age. And even the doctor today said it time for you to leave us and you might leave any time. The fear of loosing you is so strong. I do not know how I am going to take it.

All these years that you have been around I had forgotten how important you are. Among all the other things around me in life I had completely ignored you. But you never let me alone. You were always there for me.

I had all the other things in life to keep me occupied and ignore you but you never changed your stance for me. You were always there listening when I wanted to talk. Ready to lick my tears when I cried. Ready to jump around when I was happy. And I never bothered about you. And after Brandy came into my life, I completely forgot about you. It was as if you never existed.

Today when you fell I realized what I have missed all these years. I wish I could bring back those years. But I know I can’t. I wish I could have loved you unconditionally just the way you loved me. I know that time is lost and can’t be brought back. I only wish I had realized this earlier.

All these years I had forgotten I had named you ROCKY as I thought you were like me. That was my nick name that I gave you. How did I forget that? I just can’t believe it now that I forgot about that.

One thing I know now is I had always loved you but failed to show it. Its only now when I am scared of loosing you that I realize it. I love you Rocky and will always love you.

Dreamz

I stare towards the ocean down below from my bedroom window in the house on the top of a hill. The room is painted in white completely. The curtains, the bed sheets, the study table, sofa (in a corner)…..everything is white. All the pictures on the wall are black and white. There is a soothing atmosphere in the room. I walk out of the room and start going towards my study room. I am surprised, sometimes, that I own so many books and have my own library. The study has a very cozy feeling with its books shelves, fire place, lazy chair and a small bar in the corner.

I change my mind and decide to play some music. I start going towards my music room on the other side of my bedroom. The room is completely equipped with all the musical instruments, home theater and a projector. As I am about to enter the room, Mom calls me, coming out of her bedroom opposite mine. She wants me to help her in the kitchen. We go down stairs.

Passing through our living room, that has an 80’ LCD with an aquarium on one side and a concealed bar on the other, we get into our kitchen cum family dinning room. We do have another dinning room, but it’s usually here in the kitchen dinning platform that the family eats. I start helping Mom. As we are about to finish cooking, Dad challenges me for a game of snookers. We walk down to our sports area in the basement. Once down, Dad picks up a 1996 Latour from the wine rack and serves it in two glasses. Before starting the game we decide on inviting Avinash and Manisha (My brother and sister) for the game.

Avinash, as usual, is in the pool enjoying the swim and Manisha is busy finishing her painting in the backyard.

As I come out to call them, all my 12 dogs, including Brandy and Rocky, pounce on me wanting to play. I some how manage to escape from them without a scratch. I move through the garden towards the backyard to call Manisha. As I move forward, I see the sun rising and the rays hitting my eyes. It’s very discomforting and I cover my eyes to escape from the rays. I hear my Dad shouting. I am shocked and wondering what went wrong. That’s when I heard the words - - - “Tarun, wake up. It’s already 8AM. You lazy goose. All you are capable of is sleeping and dreaming”.

Dad……………why did you wake me? What a dream that was!!!

This was a dream picturing my dream house and my family together.

Sometimes I laugh on how crazy my dream is. But then I am glad I have this dream. I have something to look forward for and work for. I am glad I have many such dreams. Some small and some big. Because they push me everyday to do something extra. To work towards achieving them.

And guess what the best part of these dreams is! They are all mine and no one can ever take them away from me.

They say Dream Big. Aim for the sky and you may reach the top of the hill. I say “Dream beyond the stars and you will be a Star some day”.

Happy Dreaming!!!

Birth, Death and the Relationships in between

We were born alone; we are going to die alone. Then why is that we struggle so much to maintain relationships between these two events???

This is a question I keep hearing from people time and again

Do we really need to answer this question? Is it not obvious that we have to live along with others in this world and we cannot live in isolation? – Most of the time this is the answer I get to hear.

But then if we read the question again, it never was about living alone or with others. It is about us trying to give that extra push to maintain relationships in life. Do we really need to do that?

My answer to this is YES. When we were born “alone”, we had some people crying (tears of joy). While dying “alone”, we will have people crying (tears of sorrow). Between these two events, its our turn to cry for those people. For few, it is to thank them for having cried when we were born and for few, to make sure they cry when we die. The choice is ours whether we want "tears of joy" or "tears of sorrow" between Birth and Death.

To love or to be loved???

I asked this question to my brother – which is more important? To love or to be loved??? And he answered very sweetly – if it is for me it’s “to be loved” and if it is for you it’s “to love (Me)”. And he gave a reasoning that everyone wants to be loved as that is something they get and not give. He said that everyone is selfish and wants the best for them, what they give in return is seldom thought about.

This made me wonder if its really true. Because if this was true everyone would want to be loved and no one would be available to love. Then how would one get the love they desire? Does this mean that some of us make the sacrifice and not worry about getting and only give or expect that they would get the love once they give it?

I don’t know which is more important. I hope you know the answer to it.

Smile a day….keeps the doctor away

Way back, when I was in 7^th standard, I was a below average student. All the efforts made by dad to make me better in studies failed. As a last resort he sent me to learn yoga. It was fun. I loved going there and spending my time. By end of the training I had become one of the favorites of my Guruji. But then my guruji knew that once the classes are over I would not put in efforts to practice and would soon forget everything I learnt (which turned out to be true). On the last day he took a promise from me. He wanted me to give away 2 seconds, everyday for the rest of my life, to him. I found the request very strange. But I promised, and asked him what he wanted me to do. The task was as strange as the promise. He informed that different people have different habit and different practices. Every day when one gets up they love to see few things in particular. Few people like to see a picture, of may be a god, family member or anyone else. Few people like looking at others, someone from the family (wife, husband, son, ……). Few like to look at their hands and then there are these other few with strange habits like looking at a currency note. He wanted me to look at myself in the mirror and smile for those 2 seconds everyday as soon as I get up. I agreed. I was too young to understand the impact. Today when I look back, I realize that it did this change my life. In 10^th standard I stood first in a couple of subjects. In my entrance exam for BCA I stood 12 in the entire state. Today I am not scared standing in front of a group and speaking. May be a little nervous but not scared for sure.

What happened in these years that brought in this change? Did that practice do any magic on me? I don’t know if it is the only reason. But I know for sure that it is one of them.

I have been practicing this for the last 15 years and this has become a habit. No matter where I am, even if I am travelling, the minute I get up I have to look at myself and smile. Everyday I start my day with a smile and I believe that smile is the most contagious disease. The moment we see a pleasing smile we land up smiling without knowing about it. And the fever spreads immediately. I ensure I give this virus to myself everyday and consequently give it to everyone in the family. The entire family starts the day with a smile. How can such a start ever go bad? This is what I have believed for a long time now. And this has kept depression far away from me even in the worse times. And also the doctors because how can a happy man fall sick? The chances are low and I have kept doctors away for quite some time.

I have always imaged how beautiful the world would be if every family practices this. Everyday, every family starts the day with a smile…..wow….wouldn’t that be amazing? Anyone coming around anyone looks at a smiling face and there is smile everywhere. I know the dream is way too ambitious. But if my family can do it, why not others? Now does this mean there would be no sadness in the world? No, sadness and pain will always be there. Pressure of family, job, and better life will exist till we human exist. But we can play our part in reducing this pain from our lives.

And as I said this would also keep the doctors away as happy people do not fall sick. So, A smile a day, keeps the doctor away. But then what if the doctor is too cute and has a wonderful smile?? Would we really want to be away from the doctor? For this I would say, A smile, from the cute doctor, a day keeps the medicines away.